I am a HUGE Relient K fan. I made this on break. :)

I feel like God put this here for me! (Taken with instagram)

This is a little misleading, because I’m not actually going to talk about my Celebrity crushes in this, but when your a single lady, any type of crush is one of these. Why do I say this you ask? Well…by making the comittment to be single until the degree comes along, I do a lot of thinking about how to handle situations with the opposite sex. I am comfortable in my own skin enough to know that I do not A. need a man or B. that I’m not supposed to have on right now, so anything I try will just bring heartache. So I have this way of dealing with things of this matter. I imagine the person to be a celebrity. They have no idea who I am, and will NEVER be interested in me. Maybe they could, but for the sake of argument it wouldn’t happen. They could be a jerk. They could be a serial killer. For all I  know, they could be a serial killer who eats beef jerky. Even if they weren’t all those things, if the relationship is supposed to happen, it will happen in the time. There is this guy at the BCM on campus, (don’t worry, it’s not like I’m going to church to see this guy, they serve food on Thursday) and he is GEORGOUS!!! What makes his so georgous you ask? one simple thing: Brunette Dreads. Oh and not just any dreads no, they are the most perfect dreads I have ever seen. These dreads were spun from the hands of the angels themselves that’s why they are so perfect. I turn into darth vader every time I see this guy, exhaling air like I have burned 87% of my body and am in a futuristic ventilator. And his eyes are nice too, anyway, this guy could be a fully clothed angel on the wall of Sistine Chapel that’s how pretty he is. I have NO CLUE what his name and that makes it all the more mysterious and compelling. So he is simply to me, the Boy with the brunette dreads. So, your now probably thinking why in the WORLD is she saying all of this. After all, when you have crushes that are you know, fairly local, you tend to not want to tell the whole world about them. Here’s the thing though: when your a single lady and have a “Celebrity” crush, you don’t have to be shy about it!! If this mysterious beautiful human being ever got ahold of this blog, it would be the DEEPEST form of flattery because lets face it, everyone wants to know they are attractive. Plus it’s not creepy either (at least I hope not, I think I’ve kept it pretty non-creepy) I am not comfessing my unexistant undying love for this mystery man, I am simply admiring one of God’s many fine sceneries. I also have a comittment to keep to the Lord, so I make things like these into jokes because if not, it would just be an internal struggle. It’s very fun to be giddy and the nostagia of being thirteen again and crushing on that cute guy on the playground, only this time I’m not wondering why he doesn’t like me or why I’m not good enough, I laugh and make jokes about my attraction to him, because really it’s nothing serious unless I make it that way. And when you learn to control your emotions, it makes everything a whole lot easier. I love being single for this fact: NO PRESSURE!!! 

memecollection:

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YESSS!!!!!!

Being single on purpose gives me a lot of spare time to myself. I told you guys that this experience so far has taught me so many things about myself. I have recently discovered a very startling, and funny truth: I am a senior citizen. Now, I do not look like one, nor do I have the wisdom of one but I do however, share a few characteristics with the elderly.

1. I wear grandma nightgowns to bed.
2. Cat pictures, videos, or any other. form of makes me absolutely giddy.
3. I watch Crime and mystery shows
4. I make up new recipes in my head and can’t wait to try them out.
5. I like to wake up and watch Good Morning America and watch Wheel of Fortune and Jeopardy almost every evening.
6. Most of the pictures on my phone, computer, and iPod are of my dogs.
7. I wear cardigans with my dresses without sleeves
8. I eat the heel of the bread as opposed to throwing it out.
9. The highlight of my week is going to bed.
10. Most days I get up, eat breakfast, and go back to bed until lunch.
11. When I first started driving, going 60 miles an hour made me want to pee my pants.
12. I make grocery lists and prefer not to use the self checkout.
13. I have at least 35 animal pins on pintrest.
14. My dog is my child.
15. I could live in bed, bath, and beyond.
16. All my underwear come up to just below my belly button.
17. I love doing puzzles.
18. Harrison Ford has a special place in my heart.
19. It is essential I have a working scale in my bathroom.
20. I enjoy the occasional bubble bath.
21. I own a pill organizer, and use it frequently.
22. The only beverages I drink are water, orange juice, and soy milk.
23. I ask a million questions.
24. I own at least 15 movie soundtracks. Most of them being from children’s movies.
25. I would rather call someone than text them.

This used to be me, and my attitude. Worrying about my every move and it drove me NUTS! I have relapses, but I try to not let WHO I AM and WHO GOD’s MADE ME to be effect what I do. I am me, and I love her. My art is strange, but it all has a story.

The fear of being forever alone: never having kids, never walking your daughter down the isle, never growing old with someone. 

This used to be me. My boogieman, living in my head with me all the time from the moment I came to the realization that there was such a thing as attraction. When I started this journey, I began to worry about being an old maid when I eventually started looking for a mate. 24?!?! That’s SO OLD!! As I’ve gone through these past few months however, I’ve discovered a thing or two.

1. It’s not so bad being alone. I’ve been so focused on finding a husband, I never really sat down to consider what I wanted to do with my life. I want to serve God, but I want to do that in so many ways that sometimes I realize that wouldn’t be such a bad thing to put finding someone off for awhile.

2. I wouldn’t mind being a single mother. The biggest factor of finding a mate is having children, but with so many of the world’s kids without parents, adoption is something that I could do. I have a desire to carry my own children, but if I never get that opportunity, adopting and raising a child by myself wouldn’t be such a terrible thing. If the opportunity ever did arise. 

I used to find it weird the girls who could break up with one boy and then immediately bounce back and be dating someone else in a day. Now I just pity them. If you’re so afraid to be alone that you’ll try to fill that gap with fillers, that’s sad. All you have is you. When you wake up. When you go to bed. When you die. You are the best friend you have. Why not get to know that person a little more before letting someone else in?

So me and God have this agreement, that I’m going to be COMPLETELY single (as in no pursuing an attraction or even hanging out exclusively with one guy friend for a long period of time and singling them out among my other guy friends) for the next four years and in return….well I don’t know what God is really going to do but I’m pretty sure it’s going to consist something along the lines of Matthew 6:33, so either way it’s going to be amazing. Anyway, why I’m writing this is to talk to you about my experience so far with this. I see/hear girls all the time complain about how they don’t have a boyfriend and get discouraged because they are single and all their friends aren’t. Well ladies, read on, because I’m about to (hopefully) make you think differently about your current situation. So here we go: [After I typed this, I turned on Pandora, and Boyfriend by Big Time Rush came on. Needless to say, I’m pretty sure it’s Jesus telling me this blog needs to be written]

Lets start with the backstory of how I got here:

I just graduated High School, and needless to say, I wish I had the attitude I do now about relationships, boys, and the whole lot of that. Sadly I didn’t, and it got me in a lot of trouble (currently still digging my way out of that grave, but luckily Jesus has a shovel and we’ve got most of the rubble cleared). I have tried to find someone else, but everytime I have looked, it’s never worked out, and I’m left back at the drawing board trying to figure out what skinny blondie in math class has that I don’t (I mean I’m 20x’s nicer than her and I can cook more than just cereal. I thought that had to get me some brownie points on my girlfriend qualifications list right?) About the 27th time of realizing I’m the same end of the magnet attraction that simply isn’t happening, I began to get frustrated. Then one day, the unthinkable happened: I met a guy. Not just any guy. A guy that I was SURE was a Godsend. I hadn’t been as happy as I had been in months. Then, one day, he decides to drop on me that even though he liked me, he wasn’t willing to make it work. So here I was, number 28 and angry. Frustrated, I went to church, and Jesus said to me, “Heather, you know WHY this isn’t working out for you and you KNOW what I want you to do, so why you ignoring me girl?” (This isn’t what he said verbatim, but you get the idea) 

He was right, (This is where you say well duh Heather, It’s Jesus, he’s always right.) At number 5 I was getting the feeling that maybe a boyfriend isn’t in my plan right now, and I should focus on other important things that Jason in Math class (there really was a Jason in one of my math classes, but I never had a thing for him, just throwing out names here; by the way, all relationship, whatever step, begin in math class) . Then another guy would come along so I would throw that word to the wind and go at it again.(I have a obedience problem, not a good thing, but I’m finally getting the hang of it.) So finally this time, at the end of my rope, I finally agreed. I said, “Okay God, I’ll do it. I’ll be single until I have a Bachelors in nursing.

Now why until I have a nursing degree? well believe it or not, this is the SIMPLEST part of the story. God has called me to be a nurse so I can help people in their greatest time of need. By putting one of my biggest desire’s (One of my most important dreams is to be married and have like 5 kids, I’m a little 1950’s on the ambition scale. Probably another reason God had other plans for my life goals) on the shelf, I can focus on this calling, so that I can be the best nurse I can be. By doing so I am focusing on my relationship with God and also on myself, because in all those pursuit of that other half I forgot to take care of the only half I had, me. See, emotionally,  I give my all when I love people, so my half diminished into like a fourth, and I was VERY unstable on exactly who I was. 

So lets get into my current status:

Ladies, if God tells you to do something, do it. Especially when it comes to matters of the heart. It was VERY hard at first (and I have to admit some days even now I feel like I did that day in the altar when I agreed to this), but now I’ve got the hang of it, and now I am happier than I’ve ever been. I have learned a lot about myself, and I continue to learn more. 

I am having a blast. 

I will post stories of my fun these next four years, and I hope I can give you a good laugh along the way. :)